BIERCE

Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce (June 24, 1842 – circa 1914) was an American short story writer, journalist, poet, and Civil War veteran.
Bierce's book The Devil's Dictionary was named as one of "The 100 Greatest Masterpieces of American Literature" by the American Revolution Bicentennial Administration. His story "An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge" has been described as "one of the most famous and frequently anthologized stories in American literature"; and his book Tales of Soldiers and Civilians (also published as In the Midst of Life) was named by the Grolier Club as one of the 100 most influential American books printed before 1900.
A prolific and versatile writer, Bierce was regarded as one of the most influential journalists in the United States, and as a pioneering writer of realist fiction. For his horror writing, Michael Dirda ranked him alongside Edgar Allan Poe and H. P. Lovecraft. His war stories influenced Stephen Crane, Ernest Hemingway, and others, and he was considered an influential and feared literary critic. 
In December 1913, Bierce traveled to Chihuahua, Mexico, to gain first-hand experience of the Mexican Revolution. He disappeared, and was rumored to be traveling with rebel troops. He was never seen again.


Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.

Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.

Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.

Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.

I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.

Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.

Liberty: One of Imagination's most precious possessions.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. Also: A lottery is a tax on stupidity.

Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.

Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.

Politeness, n: The most acceptable hypocrisy.

Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable. (incognoscible, inescrutable)

There would be far fewer accidents if we could only teach telephone poles to be more careful.

ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.